The past few weeks we have been watching a family of doves nesting in our basketball hoop. I had no idea they would offer me a lesson about letting go.
I first noticed them when I was sweeping the side yard and saw bird droppings. A lot of bird droppings. I thought oh, the birds must be perching on the basketball hoop and leaving their mess. When I looked up I came face to face, well maybe 8 feet, but face to face with a mother dove perched in her nest where the backdrop and hoop meet. I quietly moved away.
Of course, not to leave something so beautiful and special alone, I went and got my camera and took a picture, quietly and slowly.
I’ve secretly watched the mother sitting in her nest and over the past several days have noticed two more little heads pop up from under her body.
Before I knew it, those two little heads grew and were almost the same size as mom.
This morning I decided to quietly take my camera and try and get another picture. I knew it had to be done soon, because of how fast they were growing and since it is spring I knew they would be leaving the nest soon.
Being Forced to Let Go Sucks
To my shock and sadness, the family was not only gone, but so was the nest.
I think about how quickly birds raise their young and then boot them out, or in this case, talon their young out the nest. Little did I know they also pack up their home and leave, completely, lock, stock, and barrel. And, in this case, twig, leaves and padding. Everything! Gone!!!
When I think of my own young, it takes quite a bit longer for them to strengthen their wings and trod on off to the great big world out there. Occasionally they come home to share, visit, get well fed, food and spiritually, but then they move on. I do so miss when they were young, although I do not miss the daily duties that keep them moving and learning, i.e., lunches, laundry, house cleaning, etc.
It made me a little sad that I would not get to look into that mother dove’s eyes any longer, connecting and sending my love to her.
Until I was sitting at the computer looking out onto my backyard. There, under the grapefruit, tree were two doves. They were cleaning themselves, walking and just enjoying themselves in my backyard. Yes, of course, I grabbed the camera. But then, I just sat there and watched and allowed them to be in their moment enjoying themselves. I did too, enjoy them and myself, connecting and being in peace. Just letting them be. Just as I need to let my young be, themselves, growing, learning and experiencing the great big world we call life.
My kids are smart, fun, creative and have a great sense of right and wrong. I know they’ll survive whatever comes their way because like the dove, we loved them, unconditionally. We may not be able to be there to always protect them. Just love them and have fun with them and knowing they have the love to survive anything.
What I love even more is listening to the questions which I must answer.
The two questions above I’ve asked myself many, many times throughout my life. Maybe not so profound in my younger life, but the message was definitely prevalent throughout my adult life.
There came a point in my life where these two questions were very much in my face, ALOT! You could say it was a mid-life crises. I say I hit the wall, pretty hard. S M A C K!
I had bumped up against it before a couple of times. Brushed myself off and kept at the same behavior only to scratch, trip or bump the wall on too many occasions.
Funny, the word crises. If you take the first 3 letters it sounds like “cry”. A crises is a cry for help. The only one who could help me at any moment is me.
When I hit the wall in my mid forties, it was because I had concretely realized that I had been a plate spinner. You know what a plate spinner is, the talented person on stage who spins 12 plates on top of very tall skinny rods. And, he keeps them all spinning. He runs around making sure the plates all stay atop the rods. It is tiring and he can’t stop running to each plate and rod. Well, that was me, figuratively speaking, but me just the same.
Meeting Other’s Needs
I was making sure everyone’s needs were met, whoever was in my life. My children, husband, extended family, home, friends, dog, and, even my friends friends, almost anyone. Anyone who seemed, to me, that I when I would hear their story and woe’s, I jumped right in and believed that they needed me to help them.
Now I believe in caring for others but, geez, it was killing me. And, what made it worse, is that not only did I know that I was doing this but a lot of my family and friends knew it too!
What did I do?
Stop… Look… Listen
I stopped. Literally. Went on a sabbatical of sorts. Some might even say that I went on strike. Was it difficult? Well, yes! For everyone. Mostly me, though. Why? Because I forgot who I was and what my purpose was. So, what I did was, I dropped plates. A lot of them. Luckily, none broke, just a little chipped, maybe. Some got a big chip. Funny, when you use a play on words because some of my plates/people got a very large chip on their shoulder.
When I didn’t show up like I had before and be for them whenever they cried for help, all of them just didn’t know what to do. Was it difficult? Yes, because I realized I really didn’t know what I wanted, so, in a lot of instances, I didn’t know how to respond to others. Whether it was listening to their story’s, jumping in and advising or requests for help,
Whoa! Time to Slow Down a Bit
Slowing my life’s train down was key to figuring it all out. This was so healing as I was able to become fully present. Awareness is key. Being in the present allowed me to see how I felt about things as they happened, in the moment. And, I was able to choose what I wanted to do or not do depending upon how I felt in that moment. Normally, I would have tried to save everyone, fix it for them.
I stopped pleasing others and am getting better at pleasing myself. When this happens it makes it a lot easier to help others. A win-win for everyone. Even if I have to say no, it is all for the greater good. Allowing others to rise to the occasion and shine their light is a good thing.
Now I get to choose. I get to relish in the beauty and light and love that it is everywhere. How? By slowing down, loving myself, picking who and what I want to play with, so, I can have fun, enjoy life and laugh, a lot!
Play is the Highest Form of Research ~ Albert Einstein
I love to giggle and play. When I do this and am in the moment, everything is brighter, more recognizable. I can see more of what really is important. I feel lighter and know that I am in direct alignment with God, my source. It’s exhilarating!
“The spiritual path is a constant turning within, turning the light of the super conscious into the dark corners and recesses of the mind. What is hidden shall be revealed, and so it is on this path as man reveals his Self to himself.” ~ Satguru Sivaya Subramuniyaswami, aka Gurudeva
Wow! Isn’t that the truth. Pretty much sums it up for me and my life’s journey. And, it is because of this journey of mine why I became a certified spiritual life coach.
My awareness to bring more in the moment gives me the opportunity to see and revel in my truth. Good and the not so good. Not that this truth is always joy filled but I am uplifted to see, feel and hear my truth.
And, when the dust settles I can rejoice in knowing that I am who I am, perfect, whole, and complete, full of love, joy and compassion.
Most of my struggle is in the “wrapping my head around” the new awakening. It’s not the “aha’s” that are challenging me, it’s me challenging the understanding, trying to fit it in to what’s there already. Trying to make it fit in, I believe is what I’m needing to not do. That’s the WoW!
Over analyzing, instead of just being aware of this new awareness and letting “It” be.
And, key is in the knowing of this newness and embracing all of it rather then categorizing, fitting, analyzing “It.”
Cleaning My Internal House
That is what is the dark corners and recesses that need vacuuming and clearing away. Cleaning house to to speak.
So, Open the windows, dust, vacuum and polish your soul of your truth. Meditate and visualize opening your inner windows, clean them, then dust and vacuum or sweep the dark corners and recesses. Then revel in the beauty of your sould, your home, the living temple that resides in your truth.
Just had an energy healing. It was amazing. Uncomfortable, not so much anymore, unearthing, diving deep and being awakened to my truth is the essential benefit.
Most of my life I have been on a quest. It started with questioning why I thought or felt the way I did. Searching, being the student and learning the “Why’s” of me have been instrumental to my growth, for me, as Anne.
This last process took me back to a very early age, 1 1/2 years of age, when my father transitioned. He transitioned too soon, as far as everyone who knew him felt. Unbeknownst to me, he took with him a little part of each of us, my Mom, brother and sister.
I knew this quite a while ago after a previous journey with a Shamen here in town. What I didn’t know but suspected was that the little part of me that he took, was blocking me from being my truest self. Oh, I have done the work. First with a psychiatrist, then a therapist which eventually led me to my own research within philosophy and religion, basically, a spiritual student seeking out the highest form of assistance in uncovering who I truly am.
Positive Energy, Positive Life
I AM a child, of God, where I placed myself into a family where I would learn. Learn what my purpose is and what I needed to learn to fulfill that purpose.
There were many experiences during my early years until early adulthood and to be truthful, I’d say that it was 50/50. 50 percent of the time good and 50 percent of the time not so good. And, know that it is all good because from the not so good aspect, that was my teacher. Learning the why’s of myself and others. Not so much to fully understand but to learn what worked for me and what did not. What was truth and not my truth.
Through the years because of the healing work that I have been doing, there are certain times when I uncover a large block to reveal a very tightly protected part of my soul.
That is what occurred for me today. I am writing about it because that is part of my purpose here on this planet Earth. I am writing about it so my voice can be seen and heard. I am writing about it so others who have had any inkling, desire, or intuitive sense that “there is more to me” then meets their own eyes, to go out and search for someone who can assist them on their quest.
Trust the Energy Within
At first I thought it was scary. Oh, dear, what will they uncover. That pretty much has gone by the wayside. Why? Because I have done it enough to know that withholding that inner voice and quest for understanding the self more, only makes the pain and suffering deeper and harder when it is time to uncover. And, that is okay. It is okay because everyone is on their own path with their own time to discover and rediscover. We are here for eternity and so there is plenty of time.
If you are feeling any angst, fear, despair, hatred, resentment towards yourself or anyone else, it is time to seek help. You can find any type of healer, be it a psychiatrist, psychotherapist, Reiki, psychic or an energy healer by just asking. Ask out loud for the right healer to be brought to you. It is amazing what will show up in the form of an advertisement, a friend, a book at the bookstore or “a voice”. Be open to what you will receive. Feed the love that is you for the healing that you desire.
Allowing yourself the gift of healing is the greatest gift of all.
I AM matters because without me being me standing in my true authentic self, then I can’t see the I AM of you, others, plants, animals and the Universe as their true authentic selves.
When I shine my light am I AM, then it allows others to shine their light and unconditional love.
I AM what I AM and I AM many things
I AM light, the energy from Source that when I allow the opening of my heart to receive these gifts,I AM empowered to expand, grow, experience, grow some more, and to always, always, always shine brightly.
I AM truth, the truth that I KNOW I AM as Anne, walking MY PATH, for me so I can shine brightly charged by the light energy that is my Source asI AM to walk. I walk this path every day, receiving, knowing, experiencing the truth of Source as Anne so I can share with those that want to learn, love and laugh.
I AM unconditional love. This is so freeing as I AM allowed to experience and give AND receive the same back tenfold. It is so simple, that sometimes I wonder why it took me so long to allow these truths, bow to these truths as my truth. Unconditional love is allowing, relishing in myself and others as their true authentic selves NO MATTER. Allowing others to be who they need to be in that moment. Why? Because it is their path, their story, their life just as it is mine on my path, my story and my life.
I AM creative, co-creative, dancing with my Source in the path of life, my life. To find the co-creative other to expand that creativity beyond its current form. Why? Because that is our purpose. To create, co-create and expand what has transpired so we can move on. Unless I move, the place where I AM will be the place where I will always be. That is not me.I AM, WE ARE meant to learn the teachings that our ours to learn, no one else’s, they are ours.
Simplify and Be
I AM FUN! I love life, I love games, I love to make life a game. Why? Because then it frees me to find the joy in EVERYTHING! Everything is as it should be. Why? Because when we are frustrated, angry or upset, depressed, anxious about where we are, there is a great enlightenment around the corner and we need to let those negative emotions go so we can get moving on our path.
Breathe, relax and ALLOW the unfolding of what is. When I make life a game regarding situations/experiences that are not supporting my greater good, then I can receive the next step on my FUN, CREATIVE, TRUTHFUL, UNCONDITIONAL LOVE AND LIGHT to move forward. Why? Because that is what I AM TO DO, we ALL are to do. Don’t, and you stay stagnate stuck in a muck of the mild river of misery.
Why not be the I AM that we are all waiting for. BE the light, energy, unconditional love truth that is you. Not sure who you are? Breathe, BE, just BE, take the time for self-care. It may seem selfish to others, but until you start taking care of yourself, you can’t take care of others.
The Universe has all the time in the Universe, we in the physical realm, do not. It can be in this lifetime or another. Your choice.
BE YOU! Be the I AM!
Just for fun, of course, get a pad of paper and pen/pencil/crayon/felt marker (color is more fun). Write at the top of the page in the middle,I AM. Now just start writing positive words that empower and enlighten you, be truthful. BE I AM
SILLY (yes, because I really AM)
Now keep going. Do this once a day. Use different words. Find the ones that really resonate with you. Empower those words. Come up with a common 12 word list that you can look at every day. Color them. Use different color of paper. HAVE FUN! Be patient with yourself. Be loving to yourself. Be selfish with the self care that you need. Even if it means standing in your own integrity of your truth REGARDLESS of what others think, do or say.
The holidays are over. Our youngest daughter just went back to college. The decorations are taken down and stored away until next year. And, to make letting go more difficult, is the memorial service we attended yesterday for an amazing 24 year old who definitely left us way too early.
Usually the holidays are difficult for me. The excitement, the decorating, the planning and purchasing of gifts and holiday events, and then the added anxiety that I sometimes get from memories of past Christmas holidays and childhood.
It wasn’t easy for me growing up, especially during the holidays. There were five of us kids, two are my full blood siblings and my other two siblings are half brothers (that’s a weird term, like as if they aren’t full whatever or we aren’t full whatever). My mother remarried after my father passed away, again, way too early.
Some Christmases are better than others, so don’t get me wrong by thinking I always get rather down during the holidays, but they do bring up my feelings it seems more so than any other time of the year. I do a lot of inner work, meditation, sewing, reading, watching old movies, counsel and being out in nature. Most of all, I look at what I have and who I have in my life and I become very, very grateful. Thankful that there are people to love and who love me. That is big for me.
That is why I really have to watch myself when I do get low. Because, I don’t want my low energy of what I’m feeling to affect others. It seems that the more I am aware of these feelings, the more I repress myself. That is when I need to allow myself to be okay with these feelings. What I need to watch out for is how long I allow myself to be in this state of low energy. The more I am in this state, the deeper I go and the longer I take to get out of it. That is what I do not want, nor should anyone else.
If you have ever been in this situation or know someone who has, then I think I may have a solution, or at least something to try. Its called a focus wheel.
The bullseye should be the ultimate place where you want to be or something to attain/have. For instance, happy, would be my inner bullseye when I have felt this way. So, then I have rippling circles away from the “happy” bullseye that get me from my low energy/down status to eventually to my “happy” place. I try not to go to fast because as always there is some resistance. So, I start at the outermost circle and feel “comfy” with where I am at. And, that is okay to have these feelings as that’s what makes us human. Then the next circle. This may be “meditation”, or “walk in nature”, or “sewing”. It is something that you know works for you that when spent time within, you feel comfortable, at ease, or maybe even transformed.
The focus wheel could be three, four or five circles surrounding the bullseye. Keep this practice up whenever you feel low or you are desiring some “thing”. Keep focusing on getting comfortable with where you are at, then get to the next inner circle. Doing this process until you reach your “bullseye” is key. Stay with it. Be comfortable with where you are at, never push yourself to do something that you are not ready for. Fo some people it takes a very short time while others much longer. Whatever your level is, is right for you. You are not someone else. Someone else is not you.
People come into our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Some of them for too short a stay. But the one thing that I keep focusing on for those that leave us way to early, is the fact that their lives here on earth had a definite purpose, a grand purpose. And, it is this same purpose that I feel why they are called to heaven. Their purpose and expanse of ability to shine their light and help so much more are done in the spiritual heavenly world. Oh, we will miss them in their physical presence, but I focus on their ability that though they are gone, they are nearer and dearer to our hearts ALL OF THE TIME, no matter how many lives they touched in the physical realm, they can reach us all instantaneously from the Angelic realm. There is a grander sense of Peace.
And, for that I am eternally grateful to have had the luxury of knowing such amazing beings. Sometimes, I think that they were Angels in the physical form so we can learn this lesson. To keep us connected to God, source, Spirit, Unicorns, faeries and even pixie dust when they are gone.