This is a sewing machine. A Singer Rocketeer, Model 502A. It is similar to the one that my mother taught my sister and I how to sew with. It is a solid metal, heavy, work horse. I could sew ANYTHING with this baby. Who knew this machine would become my connection to creativity and happiness?
My mother was a very creative and talented sewer, not a seamstress, but a creative sewer and a fabulous knitter.
Learning to be Creative When Young
She started to teach my sister when she was 11 years old. When I saw what they were doing, I wanted to join in. Not sew much for the sewing aspect, but for the camaraderie and companionship that I thought was happening. Little did I know that by encroaching upon their togetherness, that I would actually enjoy the creative process of sewing.
I had no idea that I was driven, passionately, to create with fabric, especially colorful fabric. As I advanced through the stages of “making” something, anything, I realized I thrived on the challenge of learning another new aspect of creating. Buttonholes, zipper installations, welt pockets, collars, waistbands, hemming. It didn’t matter what it was, so long as I was able to spend time with my Mom, and create.
Periodically, she would announce that she was going to the store and if any of one of us kids wanted to join her. When there fell a silence throughout the home, I peeped up and asked, “where are you going?”. When she replied that she needed to go to the grocery store and the fabric store, I chimed in, “I’ll go with you”. I was on a natural high whenever I entered the queendom of fabricland. I LOVED, absolutely LOVED and still do LOVE entering a fabric store. There was sew much to take in, the beautiful fabrics, patterns, buttons, zippers, thread and sewing supplies. I absolutely LOVED taking my hand and laying it upon the fabrics, touching, feeling, the different textures as I walked throughout the bolts of fabric.
Starting a Project Requires a Vision
After looking at all the fabric, I would eventually settle in at the table of pattern books, perusing the pages upon pages of clothing designs. Then one or two patterns would, it seem, jump out to me and want to be created. I would go to the pattern cabinets, search out the pattern and size, then walk back through the fabric to find the one fabric that beckoned my name. Getting the nod of approval, the go ahead from my Mom, we would together collect all the required notions necessary for completing my new found creative experience. As we would drive back home, my mind would race as to the next steps to make the garment.
And, as in all projects, there are steps and trials and errors. But the one thing that has NEVER waned, is my excitement to get to the next project, the next step and, even having to figure out how to handle a challenging project or redesign.
That is and was my mother’s gift to me. Not just the creative process, not being taught a skill that she enjoyed, but the opportunity to nurture a desire with her by my side.
My mothers encouragement, guidance and support was always there. She NEVER criticised my wonky seams, or imperfect zipper installation, or uneven buttonholes. To this day, I remember having her check my work and ask for what the next step was to be. She would kindly comment, “next time, keep your eye on the seam guide”, or, “what do the directions say”. But she would NEVER say that any of my sewing was wrong or bad. And, for that I am most appreciative and grateful.
Motivation and Passion
I believe, that my Mom, as tough as it was to not say those unencouraging words, knew that she herself enjoyed the times we spent together.
Her motivation of my passion led me to studying clothing at college where I received my BS degree in Home Economics with an emphasis in Clothing and Textiles. I was fortunate to excel to the point that I created my own classes and created period pieces for the town’s historical home docents, one of which was blind. The piece I designed had to be easy for her to dress and undress by herself.
Every time I sit to create, I always feel my mother’s presence. Not sew much guiding and supporting me, but enjoying the creative process, seeing what I am going to make with me.
I am sew blessed, sew grateful, for sew much. I love the creative process as it helps me to pull out what I am meant to do and that is to create.
We are all here to create something. Whether a dress, stained glass window, painting, gardening, even plumbing and accounting. EVERY THING that we get excited about, desire the challenge, the opportunity to figure something out, is our purpose. It is our purpose that drives us and we are meant to be desirous, driven and to create whatever “it” is. And, it doesn’t matter what others say, or not say, do or not do in regards to our creative purpose. As long as it matters to me, I will continue to keep creating some thing.
My wish for all is for all to pursue their creative desire, whatever it is, and never stop.
What I love even more is listening to the questions which I must answer.
The two questions above I’ve asked myself many, many times throughout my life. Maybe not so profound in my younger life, but the message was definitely prevalent throughout my adult life.
There came a point in my life where these two questions were very much in my face, ALOT! You could say it was a mid-life crises. I say I hit the wall, pretty hard. S M A C K!
I had bumped up against it before a couple of times. Brushed myself off and kept at the same behavior only to scratch, trip or bump the wall on too many occasions.
Funny, the word crises. If you take the first 3 letters it sounds like “cry”. A crises is a cry for help. The only one who could help me at any moment is me.
When I hit the wall in my mid forties, it was because I had concretely realized that I had been a plate spinner. You know what a plate spinner is, the talented person on stage who spins 12 plates on top of very tall skinny rods. And, he keeps them all spinning. He runs around making sure the plates all stay atop the rods. It is tiring and he can’t stop running to each plate and rod. Well, that was me, figuratively speaking, but me just the same.
Meeting Other’s Needs
I was making sure everyone’s needs were met, whoever was in my life. My children, husband, extended family, home, friends, dog, and, even my friends friends, almost anyone. Anyone who seemed, to me, that I when I would hear their story and woe’s, I jumped right in and believed that they needed me to help them.
Now I believe in caring for others but, geez, it was killing me. And, what made it worse, is that not only did I know that I was doing this but a lot of my family and friends knew it too!
What did I do?
Stop… Look… Listen
I stopped. Literally. Went on a sabbatical of sorts. Some might even say that I went on strike. Was it difficult? Well, yes! For everyone. Mostly me, though. Why? Because I forgot who I was and what my purpose was. So, what I did was, I dropped plates. A lot of them. Luckily, none broke, just a little chipped, maybe. Some got a big chip. Funny, when you use a play on words because some of my plates/people got a very large chip on their shoulder.
When I didn’t show up like I had before and be for them whenever they cried for help, all of them just didn’t know what to do. Was it difficult? Yes, because I realized I really didn’t know what I wanted, so, in a lot of instances, I didn’t know how to respond to others. Whether it was listening to their story’s, jumping in and advising or requests for help,
Whoa! Time to Slow Down a Bit
Slowing my life’s train down was key to figuring it all out. This was so healing as I was able to become fully present. Awareness is key. Being in the present allowed me to see how I felt about things as they happened, in the moment. And, I was able to choose what I wanted to do or not do depending upon how I felt in that moment. Normally, I would have tried to save everyone, fix it for them.
I stopped pleasing others and am getting better at pleasing myself. When this happens it makes it a lot easier to help others. A win-win for everyone. Even if I have to say no, it is all for the greater good. Allowing others to rise to the occasion and shine their light is a good thing.
Now I get to choose. I get to relish in the beauty and light and love that it is everywhere. How? By slowing down, loving myself, picking who and what I want to play with, so, I can have fun, enjoy life and laugh, a lot!
Play is the Highest Form of Research ~ Albert Einstein
I love to giggle and play. When I do this and am in the moment, everything is brighter, more recognizable. I can see more of what really is important. I feel lighter and know that I am in direct alignment with God, my source. It’s exhilarating!
“Happy Birth Day to Me, Happy Birth day to Me, Happy Birth Day Dear Anne, Happy Birth Day to Me. And, many more on Channel 4, and Scooby Doo on Channel 2”
I am so excited! It’s going to be my birthday on Sunday February 28th. I am going to be 59 years old. I love the color purple and all of its shades, hues and tones. My favorite gemstone is amethyst and lately, emerald. I like green, there are 50,000 shades of green. I like that.
I am very happy and grateful that I get to celebrate my life of 59 years young. Really, in the great big scheme of things that is a blip on the radar.
Since, it’s my party, I’ll cry if I want to, dance if I want to, shout out loud if I want to, eat what I want and wear what I want. AND, I don’t care what others say or think of me. If I happen to make them smile and giggle, well then by golly more power to you for seeing the fun in it all. The childlike attitude, the silliness and spontaneity of being authentic.
I like to feel happy so I work at savoring in the feeling of happiness, of joy. Yes, there are times when I am not so silly or happy and that’s okay too, its just when I let that not so good feeling bring me down. I used to stay there for awhile and sometimes too long. I am learning cuz I’m still so young at 59. There is so much more to know and breathe in and experience and see. I hope, dream and believe I can live for 20 more years or 30 more years just so I can see and experience more.
I love more. Sometimes I love everything just as it is and I’m okay with the beauty that is ALWAYS surrounding me. The unconditional love that the world is smiling, dancing, playing and experiencing itself.
It’s kinda like a bird or a dog or a flower or a 2 year old. They all are just themselves living in the moment of their truth. Calm, content, happy, being, playing, eating, drinking in all that is their truth.
I am happy that I get to celebrate my birth day because that means I’m living and growing and expanding and breathing. And, I’m okay with me being me whatever that might show up to be at any given moment. Be happy Being you wherever you are with whatever your life is at this very moment. Whatever that may look like. Feel that cellularly and let it really sink in. If it’s a happy feeling, let it expand and really watch yourself grow. If it’s not such a great feeling, that’s okay too. Allow yourself to be with that feeling and tell that feeling that it’s time to go. Bye Bye. Now go find your happy place, something that makes you feel good. Now let that feeling really sink in and allow yourself to let it expand, breathe, grow and cement that in cellularly. So, next time you find yourself not going the way you want. Stop. Breathe. Remember that feeling of happiness. It might even be just a feeling of calm, contentment.
Life is meant to be joy filled, contentment, peace, and celebration, of life. Can we be that way all of the time. Heck no. That’s okay, though, because it just shows we are human.
We are spiritual beings in a human form here in earth school. It’s a learning, expanding, growing, experiencing everything there is to experience, feel and sense.
Celebrate your birth day with me on mine. Go outside, play, run, color outside the lines, paint, go to the movies, go bowling or ride your bike. Just go and have fun. Even if you are by yourself. You are fun so go have fun with fun!
When I was young I would sense things, people, places by how I felt. These feelings continue today and I am much more aware of their meanings and how to know and understand them. How? From the tools, or “toys,” as I like to call them, that I have learned throughout my life and that I use to teach, or play, with others.
Some of these toys were a struggle for me to incorporate into my daily, weekly routine. Why? Because I had built up a set routine or habit of what worked for me to survive and be happy. The more aware I became of how I felt, the more I learned what was good for me or not. Who was good to have around my life or not, based on how I felt.
Have you ever been just going along in your life, happy camper, either at home, work, or in a social setting and then for some unknown reason, suddenly, you felt drained, tense and maybe not sure of yourself? Whereas, right before said event or person or experience, you were just fine? This has to do with energy. Yours and whatever person, place or experience just arrived at your doorstep. You didn’t know it at the time and maybe brushed it aside and attributed it to being tired, or you ate something bad or whatever. But you just brushed it off, until it happened again.
When you first start the desire to become more aware, enlightened, possibly very curious as to why you think and feel a certain way at certain times and not others, it can be confusing. Starting the inquiry and maybe doing research to find the answers is a good thing, and it is letting you know that you are on your path. Becoming aware is the first success. Verbalizing the feeling and pondering it is another success. Why? Because it leads you to your next step. Your evolution.
Emotions are a Key Indicator
Our emotions, how we feel about things, people and experiences is first and foremost to discovering why we do, why we act, react, why we say, don’t say, basically respond to experiences in our life. Connecting consciously with our feelings, our internal guidance system (IGS), and choosing to listen and support that feeling, life is very good. Even if that feeling is not a good feeling. Why? Because you get the opportunity to learn, make choices and grow. You decide, do I keep this part of me? Or, do I not. And, it’s all good.
Our emotions, the way we feel is what I call,the evolution of energy. The evolution of energy looks like this, in a nutshell: I have a feeling, if the feeling continues it becomes a thought. Thought continues into a self created belief (belief system otherwise known as, BS), my belief continues into an emotional state that perpetuates into meaning (i.e. this means that, love means this, fear means that), our meaning becomes our behavior (whether we want to think it does or not), and, our behavior creates our result, an “aha” moment.
How Do You Feel?
Is there any place in your body that has more feeling than another? What is it that you are feeling? Take a mental note, write it down if you feel you must. Just be aware of the feeling. No judgement. Just awareness.
Be at peace with this feeling. When we are at peace with how we feel, good or not so good feeling, we begin a journey of deeper discovery and healing. It all depends upon your willingness to allow yourself to be real, your true self.
These moments can be humbling and enlightening. And, it’s all good. It is what you do with it that takes you to the next level or not. And, that is good too! It is a choice.
Rolling, Rolling, Rolling, Keep that Momentum Going, Or Not!
Did you notice something else in the paragraph of the evolution of energy? Momentum. A feeling became a result. And, this sometimes takes only one minute. In one minute, you can have a feeling and have a distinct result based on the momentum of that feeling. This feeling can be about others without them being present. And, therefore, one can create drama by oneself in only the matter of a single minute, sixty seconds.
So, with that said. You create your world, your day, your moment. What do you create? This is the evolution of energy, the momentum of a feeling a thought that becomes something bigger, good or bad, then all of a sudden you might even be on a rampage, good or bad, without anyone around.
If it is a bad feeling, that is energy going out into the universe and create your next moment. A very important question to ask yourself if you ever get in this fast moving train is, Why am I activating this feeling? Why am I creating this ill will? On the other hand, how would you feel if you had a good feeling and increased the momentum of that feeling into a thought and so on. That is the feeling and momentum, the evolution of positive energy that you want to attain. Why? Because it feels good and when we feel good, good things come our way.
It’s Okay to Feel your Feelings
My daily goal is to become aware of how I am feeling. If I can stay on the right track of positive and good feelings I try really hard to keep it going all day long. Why? Because I get to experience so much more empowering and enlightening feelings that feel good. And, feeling good is a good thing. What do you want to feel in your life?
I AM matters because without me being me standing in my true authentic self, then I can’t see the I AM of you, others, plants, animals and the Universe as their true authentic selves.
When I shine my light am I AM, then it allows others to shine their light and unconditional love.
I AM what I AM and I AM many things
I AM light, the energy from Source that when I allow the opening of my heart to receive these gifts,I AM empowered to expand, grow, experience, grow some more, and to always, always, always shine brightly.
I AM truth, the truth that I KNOW I AM as Anne, walking MY PATH, for me so I can shine brightly charged by the light energy that is my Source asI AM to walk. I walk this path every day, receiving, knowing, experiencing the truth of Source as Anne so I can share with those that want to learn, love and laugh.
I AM unconditional love. This is so freeing as I AM allowed to experience and give AND receive the same back tenfold. It is so simple, that sometimes I wonder why it took me so long to allow these truths, bow to these truths as my truth. Unconditional love is allowing, relishing in myself and others as their true authentic selves NO MATTER. Allowing others to be who they need to be in that moment. Why? Because it is their path, their story, their life just as it is mine on my path, my story and my life.
I AM creative, co-creative, dancing with my Source in the path of life, my life. To find the co-creative other to expand that creativity beyond its current form. Why? Because that is our purpose. To create, co-create and expand what has transpired so we can move on. Unless I move, the place where I AM will be the place where I will always be. That is not me.I AM, WE ARE meant to learn the teachings that our ours to learn, no one else’s, they are ours.
Simplify and Be
I AM FUN! I love life, I love games, I love to make life a game. Why? Because then it frees me to find the joy in EVERYTHING! Everything is as it should be. Why? Because when we are frustrated, angry or upset, depressed, anxious about where we are, there is a great enlightenment around the corner and we need to let those negative emotions go so we can get moving on our path.
Breathe, relax and ALLOW the unfolding of what is. When I make life a game regarding situations/experiences that are not supporting my greater good, then I can receive the next step on my FUN, CREATIVE, TRUTHFUL, UNCONDITIONAL LOVE AND LIGHT to move forward. Why? Because that is what I AM TO DO, we ALL are to do. Don’t, and you stay stagnate stuck in a muck of the mild river of misery.
Why not be the I AM that we are all waiting for. BE the light, energy, unconditional love truth that is you. Not sure who you are? Breathe, BE, just BE, take the time for self-care. It may seem selfish to others, but until you start taking care of yourself, you can’t take care of others.
The Universe has all the time in the Universe, we in the physical realm, do not. It can be in this lifetime or another. Your choice.
BE YOU! Be the I AM!
Just for fun, of course, get a pad of paper and pen/pencil/crayon/felt marker (color is more fun). Write at the top of the page in the middle,I AM. Now just start writing positive words that empower and enlighten you, be truthful. BE I AM
I AM
LIGHT
ENERGY
UNCONDITIONAL LOVE
CREATIVE
ARTISTIC
FUN
PLAYFUL
SILLY
EMPOWERED
BROTHER
SISTER
FATHER
MOTHER
MENTOR
SILLY (yes, because I really AM)
THOUGHTFUL
HEALTHY
JOY FILLED
SUPPORTIVE
TRUTH
SPIRITUAL
A BELIEVER
ENTHUSIASTIC
Now keep going. Do this once a day. Use different words. Find the ones that really resonate with you. Empower those words. Come up with a common 12 word list that you can look at every day. Color them. Use different color of paper. HAVE FUN! Be patient with yourself. Be loving to yourself. Be selfish with the self care that you need. Even if it means standing in your own integrity of your truth REGARDLESS of what others think, do or say.