What I love even more is listening to the questions which I must answer.
The two questions above I’ve asked myself many, many times throughout my life. Maybe not so profound in my younger life, but the message was definitely prevalent throughout my adult life.
There came a point in my life where these two questions were very much in my face, ALOT! You could say it was a mid-life crises. I say I hit the wall, pretty hard. S M A C K!
I had bumped up against it before a couple of times. Brushed myself off and kept at the same behavior only to scratch, trip or bump the wall on too many occasions.
Funny, the word crises. If you take the first 3 letters it sounds like “cry”. A crises is a cry for help. The only one who could help me at any moment is me.
When I hit the wall in my mid forties, it was because I had concretely realized that I had been a plate spinner. You know what a plate spinner is, the talented person on stage who spins 12 plates on top of very tall skinny rods. And, he keeps them all spinning. He runs around making sure the plates all stay atop the rods. It is tiring and he can’t stop running to each plate and rod. Well, that was me, figuratively speaking, but me just the same.
Meeting Other’s Needs
I was making sure everyone’s needs were met, whoever was in my life. My children, husband, extended family, home, friends, dog, and, even my friends friends, almost anyone. Anyone who seemed, to me, that I when I would hear their story and woe’s, I jumped right in and believed that they needed me to help them.
Now I believe in caring for others but, geez, it was killing me. And, what made it worse, is that not only did I know that I was doing this but a lot of my family and friends knew it too!
What did I do?
Stop… Look… Listen
I stopped. Literally. Went on a sabbatical of sorts. Some might even say that I went on strike. Was it difficult? Well, yes! For everyone. Mostly me, though. Why? Because I forgot who I was and what my purpose was. So, what I did was, I dropped plates. A lot of them. Luckily, none broke, just a little chipped, maybe. Some got a big chip. Funny, when you use a play on words because some of my plates/people got a very large chip on their shoulder.
When I didn’t show up like I had before and be for them whenever they cried for help, all of them just didn’t know what to do. Was it difficult? Yes, because I realized I really didn’t know what I wanted, so, in a lot of instances, I didn’t know how to respond to others. Whether it was listening to their story’s, jumping in and advising or requests for help,
Whoa! Time to Slow Down a Bit
Slowing my life’s train down was key to figuring it all out. This was so healing as I was able to become fully present. Awareness is key. Being in the present allowed me to see how I felt about things as they happened, in the moment. And, I was able to choose what I wanted to do or not do depending upon how I felt in that moment. Normally, I would have tried to save everyone, fix it for them.
I stopped pleasing others and am getting better at pleasing myself. When this happens it makes it a lot easier to help others. A win-win for everyone. Even if I have to say no, it is all for the greater good. Allowing others to rise to the occasion and shine their light is a good thing.
Now I get to choose. I get to relish in the beauty and light and love that it is everywhere. How? By slowing down, loving myself, picking who and what I want to play with, so, I can have fun, enjoy life and laugh, a lot!
Play is the Highest Form of Research ~ Albert Einstein
I love to giggle and play. When I do this and am in the moment, everything is brighter, more recognizable. I can see more of what really is important. I feel lighter and know that I am in direct alignment with God, my source. It’s exhilarating!
When I was young, often, my brother, sister and I would visit my paternal grandparents at their cabin during the summers.
It was our indoctrination to nature and ultimately, to God.
I remember being outdoors, a lot, all day; coming in for food and water and, once replenished, to head outside soon and to experience the greatest place on Earth, outdoors.
There were other kids who we joined in with and played all types of games, mostly made up.
On a couple of occasions, I remember something happened that required adult input. Who knows what actually happened, but we needed someone to intervene.
When these occurrences arose, my grandfather, Erle, stepped in. He wasn’t a big man but he did carry a big stick. He called it his talking stick. It was a branch from the mountain area where the cabin was located. It was about 4 feet long, and he had whittled it to a reasonable smoothness.
Erle’s Sacred Space
When the truth was needed, he would call each of us in, one at a time, and sit us down at one end of their hearty dining room table. He would create a safe atmosphere. I was never afraid of my grandfather. He always made me feel safe, validated, loved. We all knew he cared.
He would tell me that his talking stick was where you could speak your truth and that you were protected.
I’m really not sure what it was made out of, either Lodge Pole Pine or Red Fir. Maybe I should take it to Harry Potter’s wand maker and find out because I know it had magical powers, at least I thought it did.
I remember this happening only twice. And, I felt that everything was righted afterwards.
When I think back about those times, I truly believe that feeling of protection has stayed with me. Ultimately, they became a marker for my most core values and beliefs.
The truth always prevails.
Now, whether there was justice that is for another time and place. For you see, if you live from and from this natural law, that the truth always, always, always prevails. Your life will experience the grandest of experiences of all, God.
That is who I am and try to live by, because when we live and breath this way of being then we are free. We can surrender any and all facades that we have created, for whatever reason we created them for and live happily contented, at peace
The interesting memory I have after having one of these moment with my grandfather, was that I felt lighter and the room became brighter. Every sense of my being was lifted, simplified.
I am smiling because I see my grandfather being the master of his creator. He always took care of what needed to be taken care of. I do not remember who he spoke with before or after our talk, or the action, if any, that was taken. All I know, then and now, was that everything was alright in the world, my world.
My husband and I are caretakers of that cabin and Erle’s talking stick still has it’s place where it always has been and will be, in it’s rightful place.
“The spiritual path is a constant turning within, turning the light of the super conscious into the dark corners and recesses of the mind. What is hidden shall be revealed, and so it is on this path as man reveals his Self to himself.” ~ Satguru Sivaya Subramuniyaswami, aka Gurudeva
Wow! Isn’t that the truth. Pretty much sums it up for me and my life’s journey. And, it is because of this journey of mine why I became a certified spiritual life coach.
My awareness to bring more in the moment gives me the opportunity to see and revel in my truth. Good and the not so good. Not that this truth is always joy filled but I am uplifted to see, feel and hear my truth.
And, when the dust settles I can rejoice in knowing that I am who I am, perfect, whole, and complete, full of love, joy and compassion.
Most of my struggle is in the “wrapping my head around” the new awakening. It’s not the “aha’s” that are challenging me, it’s me challenging the understanding, trying to fit it in to what’s there already. Trying to make it fit in, I believe is what I’m needing to not do. That’s the WoW!
Over analyzing, instead of just being aware of this new awareness and letting “It” be.
And, key is in the knowing of this newness and embracing all of it rather then categorizing, fitting, analyzing “It.”
Cleaning My Internal House
That is what is the dark corners and recesses that need vacuuming and clearing away. Cleaning house to to speak.
So, Open the windows, dust, vacuum and polish your soul of your truth. Meditate and visualize opening your inner windows, clean them, then dust and vacuum or sweep the dark corners and recesses. Then revel in the beauty of your sould, your home, the living temple that resides in your truth.
“Happy Birth Day to Me, Happy Birth day to Me, Happy Birth Day Dear Anne, Happy Birth Day to Me. And, many more on Channel 4, and Scooby Doo on Channel 2”
I am so excited! It’s going to be my birthday on Sunday February 28th. I am going to be 59 years old. I love the color purple and all of its shades, hues and tones. My favorite gemstone is amethyst and lately, emerald. I like green, there are 50,000 shades of green. I like that.
I am very happy and grateful that I get to celebrate my life of 59 years young. Really, in the great big scheme of things that is a blip on the radar.
Since, it’s my party, I’ll cry if I want to, dance if I want to, shout out loud if I want to, eat what I want and wear what I want. AND, I don’t care what others say or think of me. If I happen to make them smile and giggle, well then by golly more power to you for seeing the fun in it all. The childlike attitude, the silliness and spontaneity of being authentic.
I like to feel happy so I work at savoring in the feeling of happiness, of joy. Yes, there are times when I am not so silly or happy and that’s okay too, its just when I let that not so good feeling bring me down. I used to stay there for awhile and sometimes too long. I am learning cuz I’m still so young at 59. There is so much more to know and breathe in and experience and see. I hope, dream and believe I can live for 20 more years or 30 more years just so I can see and experience more.
I love more. Sometimes I love everything just as it is and I’m okay with the beauty that is ALWAYS surrounding me. The unconditional love that the world is smiling, dancing, playing and experiencing itself.
It’s kinda like a bird or a dog or a flower or a 2 year old. They all are just themselves living in the moment of their truth. Calm, content, happy, being, playing, eating, drinking in all that is their truth.
I am happy that I get to celebrate my birth day because that means I’m living and growing and expanding and breathing. And, I’m okay with me being me whatever that might show up to be at any given moment. Be happy Being you wherever you are with whatever your life is at this very moment. Whatever that may look like. Feel that cellularly and let it really sink in. If it’s a happy feeling, let it expand and really watch yourself grow. If it’s not such a great feeling, that’s okay too. Allow yourself to be with that feeling and tell that feeling that it’s time to go. Bye Bye. Now go find your happy place, something that makes you feel good. Now let that feeling really sink in and allow yourself to let it expand, breathe, grow and cement that in cellularly. So, next time you find yourself not going the way you want. Stop. Breathe. Remember that feeling of happiness. It might even be just a feeling of calm, contentment.
Life is meant to be joy filled, contentment, peace, and celebration, of life. Can we be that way all of the time. Heck no. That’s okay, though, because it just shows we are human.
We are spiritual beings in a human form here in earth school. It’s a learning, expanding, growing, experiencing everything there is to experience, feel and sense.
Celebrate your birth day with me on mine. Go outside, play, run, color outside the lines, paint, go to the movies, go bowling or ride your bike. Just go and have fun. Even if you are by yourself. You are fun so go have fun with fun!
When I was young I would sense things, people, places by how I felt. These feelings continue today and I am much more aware of their meanings and how to know and understand them. How? From the tools, or “toys,” as I like to call them, that I have learned throughout my life and that I use to teach, or play, with others.
Some of these toys were a struggle for me to incorporate into my daily, weekly routine. Why? Because I had built up a set routine or habit of what worked for me to survive and be happy. The more aware I became of how I felt, the more I learned what was good for me or not. Who was good to have around my life or not, based on how I felt.
Have you ever been just going along in your life, happy camper, either at home, work, or in a social setting and then for some unknown reason, suddenly, you felt drained, tense and maybe not sure of yourself? Whereas, right before said event or person or experience, you were just fine? This has to do with energy. Yours and whatever person, place or experience just arrived at your doorstep. You didn’t know it at the time and maybe brushed it aside and attributed it to being tired, or you ate something bad or whatever. But you just brushed it off, until it happened again.
When you first start the desire to become more aware, enlightened, possibly very curious as to why you think and feel a certain way at certain times and not others, it can be confusing. Starting the inquiry and maybe doing research to find the answers is a good thing, and it is letting you know that you are on your path. Becoming aware is the first success. Verbalizing the feeling and pondering it is another success. Why? Because it leads you to your next step. Your evolution.
Emotions are a Key Indicator
Our emotions, how we feel about things, people and experiences is first and foremost to discovering why we do, why we act, react, why we say, don’t say, basically respond to experiences in our life. Connecting consciously with our feelings, our internal guidance system (IGS), and choosing to listen and support that feeling, life is very good. Even if that feeling is not a good feeling. Why? Because you get the opportunity to learn, make choices and grow. You decide, do I keep this part of me? Or, do I not. And, it’s all good.
Our emotions, the way we feel is what I call,the evolution of energy. The evolution of energy looks like this, in a nutshell: I have a feeling, if the feeling continues it becomes a thought. Thought continues into a self created belief (belief system otherwise known as, BS), my belief continues into an emotional state that perpetuates into meaning (i.e. this means that, love means this, fear means that), our meaning becomes our behavior (whether we want to think it does or not), and, our behavior creates our result, an “aha” moment.
How Do You Feel?
Is there any place in your body that has more feeling than another? What is it that you are feeling? Take a mental note, write it down if you feel you must. Just be aware of the feeling. No judgement. Just awareness.
Be at peace with this feeling. When we are at peace with how we feel, good or not so good feeling, we begin a journey of deeper discovery and healing. It all depends upon your willingness to allow yourself to be real, your true self.
These moments can be humbling and enlightening. And, it’s all good. It is what you do with it that takes you to the next level or not. And, that is good too! It is a choice.
Rolling, Rolling, Rolling, Keep that Momentum Going, Or Not!
Did you notice something else in the paragraph of the evolution of energy? Momentum. A feeling became a result. And, this sometimes takes only one minute. In one minute, you can have a feeling and have a distinct result based on the momentum of that feeling. This feeling can be about others without them being present. And, therefore, one can create drama by oneself in only the matter of a single minute, sixty seconds.
So, with that said. You create your world, your day, your moment. What do you create? This is the evolution of energy, the momentum of a feeling a thought that becomes something bigger, good or bad, then all of a sudden you might even be on a rampage, good or bad, without anyone around.
If it is a bad feeling, that is energy going out into the universe and create your next moment. A very important question to ask yourself if you ever get in this fast moving train is, Why am I activating this feeling? Why am I creating this ill will? On the other hand, how would you feel if you had a good feeling and increased the momentum of that feeling into a thought and so on. That is the feeling and momentum, the evolution of positive energy that you want to attain. Why? Because it feels good and when we feel good, good things come our way.
It’s Okay to Feel your Feelings
My daily goal is to become aware of how I am feeling. If I can stay on the right track of positive and good feelings I try really hard to keep it going all day long. Why? Because I get to experience so much more empowering and enlightening feelings that feel good. And, feeling good is a good thing. What do you want to feel in your life?
Just had an energy healing. It was amazing. Uncomfortable, not so much anymore, unearthing, diving deep and being awakened to my truth is the essential benefit.
Most of my life I have been on a quest. It started with questioning why I thought or felt the way I did. Searching, being the student and learning the “Why’s” of me have been instrumental to my growth, for me, as Anne.
This last process took me back to a very early age, 1 1/2 years of age, when my father transitioned. He transitioned too soon, as far as everyone who knew him felt. Unbeknownst to me, he took with him a little part of each of us, my Mom, brother and sister.
I knew this quite a while ago after a previous journey with a Shamen here in town. What I didn’t know but suspected was that the little part of me that he took, was blocking me from being my truest self. Oh, I have done the work. First with a psychiatrist, then a therapist which eventually led me to my own research within philosophy and religion, basically, a spiritual student seeking out the highest form of assistance in uncovering who I truly am.
Positive Energy, Positive Life
I AM a child, of God, where I placed myself into a family where I would learn. Learn what my purpose is and what I needed to learn to fulfill that purpose.
There were many experiences during my early years until early adulthood and to be truthful, I’d say that it was 50/50. 50 percent of the time good and 50 percent of the time not so good. And, know that it is all good because from the not so good aspect, that was my teacher. Learning the why’s of myself and others. Not so much to fully understand but to learn what worked for me and what did not. What was truth and not my truth.
Through the years because of the healing work that I have been doing, there are certain times when I uncover a large block to reveal a very tightly protected part of my soul.
That is what occurred for me today. I am writing about it because that is part of my purpose here on this planet Earth. I am writing about it so my voice can be seen and heard. I am writing about it so others who have had any inkling, desire, or intuitive sense that “there is more to me” then meets their own eyes, to go out and search for someone who can assist them on their quest.
Trust the Energy Within
At first I thought it was scary. Oh, dear, what will they uncover. That pretty much has gone by the wayside. Why? Because I have done it enough to know that withholding that inner voice and quest for understanding the self more, only makes the pain and suffering deeper and harder when it is time to uncover. And, that is okay. It is okay because everyone is on their own path with their own time to discover and rediscover. We are here for eternity and so there is plenty of time.
If you are feeling any angst, fear, despair, hatred, resentment towards yourself or anyone else, it is time to seek help. You can find any type of healer, be it a psychiatrist, psychotherapist, Reiki, psychic or an energy healer by just asking. Ask out loud for the right healer to be brought to you. It is amazing what will show up in the form of an advertisement, a friend, a book at the bookstore or “a voice”. Be open to what you will receive. Feed the love that is you for the healing that you desire.
Allowing yourself the gift of healing is the greatest gift of all.
I AM matters because without me being me standing in my true authentic self, then I can’t see the I AM of you, others, plants, animals and the Universe as their true authentic selves.
When I shine my light am I AM, then it allows others to shine their light and unconditional love.
I AM what I AM and I AM many things
I AM light, the energy from Source that when I allow the opening of my heart to receive these gifts,I AM empowered to expand, grow, experience, grow some more, and to always, always, always shine brightly.
I AM truth, the truth that I KNOW I AM as Anne, walking MY PATH, for me so I can shine brightly charged by the light energy that is my Source asI AM to walk. I walk this path every day, receiving, knowing, experiencing the truth of Source as Anne so I can share with those that want to learn, love and laugh.
I AM unconditional love. This is so freeing as I AM allowed to experience and give AND receive the same back tenfold. It is so simple, that sometimes I wonder why it took me so long to allow these truths, bow to these truths as my truth. Unconditional love is allowing, relishing in myself and others as their true authentic selves NO MATTER. Allowing others to be who they need to be in that moment. Why? Because it is their path, their story, their life just as it is mine on my path, my story and my life.
I AM creative, co-creative, dancing with my Source in the path of life, my life. To find the co-creative other to expand that creativity beyond its current form. Why? Because that is our purpose. To create, co-create and expand what has transpired so we can move on. Unless I move, the place where I AM will be the place where I will always be. That is not me.I AM, WE ARE meant to learn the teachings that our ours to learn, no one else’s, they are ours.
Simplify and Be
I AM FUN! I love life, I love games, I love to make life a game. Why? Because then it frees me to find the joy in EVERYTHING! Everything is as it should be. Why? Because when we are frustrated, angry or upset, depressed, anxious about where we are, there is a great enlightenment around the corner and we need to let those negative emotions go so we can get moving on our path.
Breathe, relax and ALLOW the unfolding of what is. When I make life a game regarding situations/experiences that are not supporting my greater good, then I can receive the next step on my FUN, CREATIVE, TRUTHFUL, UNCONDITIONAL LOVE AND LIGHT to move forward. Why? Because that is what I AM TO DO, we ALL are to do. Don’t, and you stay stagnate stuck in a muck of the mild river of misery.
Why not be the I AM that we are all waiting for. BE the light, energy, unconditional love truth that is you. Not sure who you are? Breathe, BE, just BE, take the time for self-care. It may seem selfish to others, but until you start taking care of yourself, you can’t take care of others.
The Universe has all the time in the Universe, we in the physical realm, do not. It can be in this lifetime or another. Your choice.
BE YOU! Be the I AM!
Just for fun, of course, get a pad of paper and pen/pencil/crayon/felt marker (color is more fun). Write at the top of the page in the middle,I AM. Now just start writing positive words that empower and enlighten you, be truthful. BE I AM
SILLY (yes, because I really AM)
Now keep going. Do this once a day. Use different words. Find the ones that really resonate with you. Empower those words. Come up with a common 12 word list that you can look at every day. Color them. Use different color of paper. HAVE FUN! Be patient with yourself. Be loving to yourself. Be selfish with the self care that you need. Even if it means standing in your own integrity of your truth REGARDLESS of what others think, do or say.
Took a sabbatical. Some time off and observed life. Looked at what I saw and how I responded to my life and others, and just let life be whatever.
It felt good to let certain things go and just sit in the back seat.
Growing up there were five of us kids and I remember as a child traveling in the station wagon (remember those) and my mom would sometimes take all of us to visit our grandparents or travel (not too far). She would drive pretty fast, I thought, and now I know why. From the back seats she wold hear relentlessly, “She touched me. He’s bothering me. I’m hungry. When are we going to get there. I have to go to the bathroom. Can I change places?” There were no cell phones or iPod’s in those days to entertain us.
So, my mom would make up games, basically to distract us, to quiet her world no doubt. There was the alphabet license plate game and another one was where we had to come up with words from the 3 letters on a license plate.
A Playful Life is a Better Life
I loved it. Because I loved playing games. I still play that game today as I drive. I think it keeps my brain in good working order.
My husband says I’m competitive. I say I love to play games because I love to play, especially games. Winning is secondary. The main reason is that it usually involves others and it is fun.
It gives me an excitement about the “what’s next”, the mystery of my existence or purpose. Loving the not knowing and anticipating and being enthusiastic about the next step is a great feeling, especially when it is about what is next on my path. Letting go and allowing is so freeing.
The observer is stepping back, though involved, and sensing, seeing the movie that is playing before the self. Seeing, sensing action or reaction for me and others.
Being an observer allows me to really and truthfully see my true self, sometimes humbly, learning and hopefully growing from that awakening.
My Mom was fun and a classy lady but being driven by her with the five of us in the back seats we knew we would get wherever we needed to be and fast!
I’m in the driver’s seat now and ready to experience and express those observations from a participant’s point of view. I hope you’ll enjoy the ride, it may get a little bumpy for some of you and we may go fast, but it will definitely be fun!
Phew! Got that out of the way. Breathing easier? Hope so.
Let yourself off the hook for not sticking to your resolutions. Why? Because when you made the resolution, it was at the end of one year and heading into a NEW year. Two, because when you made them you might have been influenced by someone or something else, meaning, that it really wasn’t your resolution. Because that is what people do, though you didn’t want to. Third, you didn’t have the steps necessary to make the right resolution in the first place (most likely that is the key to successful resolutions being followed through with).
A Resolution is Like a Goal
So when you make a goal, what is your terminology? Do you set a time, date for completion/accomplishment? How do you feel? Yep, that is so important. Are you excited? or anxious?
There are many aspects that play a big, okay, well, HUGE, part of achieving a resolution or goal. Let’s look at a couple, okay, maybe a handful.
Goal Setting Steps
First and foremost, look at how you feel. If you are excited then you will attract the same kind of excitement and success to your goal. If you are anxious, you are focused on the future and not now, the present moment. Very important. Why? Because you will either see the excitement along your daily day to day goal achievements which will build momentum and the achievement of the goal will happen very easily. If you are depressed or anxious, you are focused on the past or future. When that happens you more then likely will not achieve your goal or it will be a HUGE struggle because the universe is responding to how you feel, not the words you are saying. Get excited.
Second, is the terminology you are using. If you use “wish”, “hope”, “dream”, then your resolution or goal will always be just that, a wish, a hope or a dream. Basically, it’s like living a fantasy. Use empowering positive words. “I am”, “I have” are great first word starters to a resolution/goal.
Third, is action. Acting is so important as it helps the terminology and feeling supporting the resolution/goal. Act like your goal is already achieved. When you act like its already happened, see how you feel. For me when I changed how I set goals, it’s almost like a huge weight gets lifted off of me. And, the silly thing is, is to look at how many successes you’ve already had to get to where you are today. Just because you are not an astronaut, a starring ballerina or Bill Gates, does not mean that you have not been successful. You’ve learned to crawl, walk, ride a bike and so on; so why the crazy seriousness of thinking your goals are not achievable. They are achievable because you are…successful. Act like your goal has already happened.
Fourth, Is the resolution/goal logical and realistic. This is important to understand and grasp. If you are setting a goal which is really a dream or maybe a dream you had in the past or possibly someone else’s wish/hope/dream for you, then it is a vicious circle of unfulfillment. Take baby steps, if you will. In other words, it is more likely to be attainable if the goal and the steps are logical. If you’ve never written a book and you expect to write a book by the end of the year, that is NOT logical or realistic. If you’ve written A LOT, and have bits and pieces of writing that if put together could become a book, then you are on your way to being an authored and having a published book.
Fifth, be date and time specific. When we set a resolution/goal that does not state a date and time for the fruition of the resolution/goal to be achieved, then it goes on for infinity and beyond. Seriously. Setting a goal for losing 5 lbs. by March 1st, 2016 is logical, realistic, date and time specific and attainable.
Sixth. Support along the way. Gather minions or supportive people and places to assist in the achievement of your resolution/goal. Find a coach, people that support your greater good (not someone who brings you down), and find new places or even recreate your own home that supports you in achieving your goal. These are so important. Why? Because we all need people and places that give us the unconditional love, support, encouragement along the way. We CAN not do it alone, but, we can do it together. Gather your support and let them know what your goal is and ask them to check in with you and help you through the times when you think it is not going to happen.
(Mindset: Thinking of something that helps me to create healthy and positive excitement. My successes. “I have lost weight and I keep it off”)
Goal: I have lost 5 lbs. by March 1, 2016
Be easy about all of this. Give yourself permission to achieve. Breathe in. Breathe out. Repeat as needed. Meditate. Focus. Make an inspiration board that you can look at every day. Read inspiring books, websites, Meme’s that give you the nudge to get you past the hiccups along the way and gets you going towards your resolution/goal.
Write it down and then let it go. I know, I know, you are thinking that I’ve gone mad. Well, yes, frankly I have. Bonkers if you will. But then so many of the greatest people are bonkers. Have fun with this. Play. Color outside the box. Set the goal as the steps listed above and see what happens.
Enjoy your life, have fun every day, and blessings,
The holidays are over. Our youngest daughter just went back to college. The decorations are taken down and stored away until next year. And, to make letting go more difficult, is the memorial service we attended yesterday for an amazing 24 year old who definitely left us way too early.
Usually the holidays are difficult for me. The excitement, the decorating, the planning and purchasing of gifts and holiday events, and then the added anxiety that I sometimes get from memories of past Christmas holidays and childhood.
It wasn’t easy for me growing up, especially during the holidays. There were five of us kids, two are my full blood siblings and my other two siblings are half brothers (that’s a weird term, like as if they aren’t full whatever or we aren’t full whatever). My mother remarried after my father passed away, again, way too early.
Some Christmases are better than others, so don’t get me wrong by thinking I always get rather down during the holidays, but they do bring up my feelings it seems more so than any other time of the year. I do a lot of inner work, meditation, sewing, reading, watching old movies, counsel and being out in nature. Most of all, I look at what I have and who I have in my life and I become very, very grateful. Thankful that there are people to love and who love me. That is big for me.
That is why I really have to watch myself when I do get low. Because, I don’t want my low energy of what I’m feeling to affect others. It seems that the more I am aware of these feelings, the more I repress myself. That is when I need to allow myself to be okay with these feelings. What I need to watch out for is how long I allow myself to be in this state of low energy. The more I am in this state, the deeper I go and the longer I take to get out of it. That is what I do not want, nor should anyone else.
If you have ever been in this situation or know someone who has, then I think I may have a solution, or at least something to try. Its called a focus wheel.
The bullseye should be the ultimate place where you want to be or something to attain/have. For instance, happy, would be my inner bullseye when I have felt this way. So, then I have rippling circles away from the “happy” bullseye that get me from my low energy/down status to eventually to my “happy” place. I try not to go to fast because as always there is some resistance. So, I start at the outermost circle and feel “comfy” with where I am at. And, that is okay to have these feelings as that’s what makes us human. Then the next circle. This may be “meditation”, or “walk in nature”, or “sewing”. It is something that you know works for you that when spent time within, you feel comfortable, at ease, or maybe even transformed.
The focus wheel could be three, four or five circles surrounding the bullseye. Keep this practice up whenever you feel low or you are desiring some “thing”. Keep focusing on getting comfortable with where you are at, then get to the next inner circle. Doing this process until you reach your “bullseye” is key. Stay with it. Be comfortable with where you are at, never push yourself to do something that you are not ready for. Fo some people it takes a very short time while others much longer. Whatever your level is, is right for you. You are not someone else. Someone else is not you.
People come into our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Some of them for too short a stay. But the one thing that I keep focusing on for those that leave us way to early, is the fact that their lives here on earth had a definite purpose, a grand purpose. And, it is this same purpose that I feel why they are called to heaven. Their purpose and expanse of ability to shine their light and help so much more are done in the spiritual heavenly world. Oh, we will miss them in their physical presence, but I focus on their ability that though they are gone, they are nearer and dearer to our hearts ALL OF THE TIME, no matter how many lives they touched in the physical realm, they can reach us all instantaneously from the Angelic realm. There is a grander sense of Peace.
And, for that I am eternally grateful to have had the luxury of knowing such amazing beings. Sometimes, I think that they were Angels in the physical form so we can learn this lesson. To keep us connected to God, source, Spirit, Unicorns, faeries and even pixie dust when they are gone.