The holidays are over. Our youngest daughter just went back to college. The decorations are taken down and stored away until next year. And, to make letting go more difficult, is the memorial service we attended yesterday for an amazing 24 year old who definitely left us way too early.
Usually the holidays are difficult for me. The excitement, the decorating, the planning and purchasing of gifts and holiday events, and then the added anxiety that I sometimes get from memories of past Christmas holidays and childhood.
It wasn’t easy for me growing up, especially during the holidays. There were five of us kids, two are my full blood siblings and my other two siblings are half brothers (that’s a weird term, like as if they aren’t full whatever or we aren’t full whatever). My mother remarried after my father passed away, again, way too early.
Some Christmases are better than others, so don’t get me wrong by thinking I always get rather down during the holidays, but they do bring up my feelings it seems more so than any other time of the year. I do a lot of inner work, meditation, sewing, reading, watching old movies, counsel and being out in nature. Most of all, I look at what I have and who I have in my life and I become very, very grateful. Thankful that there are people to love and who love me. That is big for me.
That is why I really have to watch myself when I do get low. Because, I don’t want my low energy of what I’m feeling to affect others. It seems that the more I am aware of these feelings, the more I repress myself. That is when I need to allow myself to be okay with these feelings. What I need to watch out for is how long I allow myself to be in this state of low energy. The more I am in this state, the deeper I go and the longer I take to get out of it. That is what I do not want, nor should anyone else.
If you have ever been in this situation or know someone who has, then I think I may have a solution, or at least something to try. Its called a focus wheel.
The bullseye should be the ultimate place where you want to be or something to attain/have. For instance, happy, would be my inner bullseye when I have felt this way. So, then I have rippling circles away from the “happy” bullseye that get me from my low energy/down status to eventually to my “happy” place. I try not to go to fast because as always there is some resistance. So, I start at the outermost circle and feel “comfy” with where I am at. And, that is okay to have these feelings as that’s what makes us human. Then the next circle. This may be “meditation”, or “walk in nature”, or “sewing”. It is something that you know works for you that when spent time within, you feel comfortable, at ease, or maybe even transformed.
The focus wheel could be three, four or five circles surrounding the bullseye. Keep this practice up whenever you feel low or you are desiring some “thing”. Keep focusing on getting comfortable with where you are at, then get to the next inner circle. Doing this process until you reach your “bullseye” is key. Stay with it. Be comfortable with where you are at, never push yourself to do something that you are not ready for. Fo some people it takes a very short time while others much longer. Whatever your level is, is right for you. You are not someone else. Someone else is not you.
People come into our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Some of them for too short a stay. But the one thing that I keep focusing on for those that leave us way to early, is the fact that their lives here on earth had a definite purpose, a grand purpose. And, it is this same purpose that I feel why they are called to heaven. Their purpose and expanse of ability to shine their light and help so much more are done in the spiritual heavenly world. Oh, we will miss them in their physical presence, but I focus on their ability that though they are gone, they are nearer and dearer to our hearts ALL OF THE TIME, no matter how many lives they touched in the physical realm, they can reach us all instantaneously from the Angelic realm. There is a grander sense of Peace.
And, for that I am eternally grateful to have had the luxury of knowing such amazing beings. Sometimes, I think that they were Angels in the physical form so we can learn this lesson. To keep us connected to God, source, Spirit, Unicorns, faeries and even pixie dust when they are gone.